Unicef

When I was around 7 yrs old I had grand ideas of how I was going to change the world. When I was asked to collect money for Unicef and told how it was going to help a lot of children eat I knew it was something I definitely wanted to do. I kept thinking of how I could help all those little babies get food and it filled me with a sense of pride.

I was very surprised when my parents said I was allowed to walk along the sidewalk to collect from our neighbours and go down over the hill to their friend Todd's house. I was so unbelievably happy to be able to venture out on my own and so happy at all the good I was going to do. I went to the first few houses and cleaned out all my neighbour's change and even got a few bills thrown in for good measure. Then it all went horribly wrong when I got to Todd's house.

I walked down the driveway to the front step of the house. I went up and I knocked on the door and I heard a dog barking. I waited a few moments and nobody came to the door so I knocked again. Again the dog barked and nobody answered the door. I turned around and noticed a little Pomeranian dog sitting there looking at me. He looked harmless enough. I turned and knocked on the door one more time and it took me likely 3 seconds to register the pain of the dog's teeth in my ass cheek. The dog was literally hanging off the ground by my ass. I screamed and swung around but I couldn't see the dog since he was still holding on and swung around with me. I shouted some choice obscenities most 7 year olds should not know and finally the dog let go and started barking at me. I threw the Unicef box at him and he started tearing it to shreds. I took off running home, blood soaking the ass of my jeans.

So let this be a lesson to you. If you help people out and pat yourself on the back too much for it, it'll bite you in the ass. Learn from my mistakes.

I think the dog's name was Chuckles or some shit like that. Fitting name indeed.