I feel the need to write about this. It may never reach the people that need to read it but it will be posted regardless. There is never, ever a valid reason for wearing a speedo on a beach...I REPEAT NEVER. Oh but some of you will counter with the argument "what if he has some weird medical condition that may cause him to die if his balls are allowed to hang freely?", to which I reply wear your grape smugglers and wear a pair of board shorts over top. Everybody's happy. You say "I'm from Europe, that's how they wear them there" and I say "Well obviously you are not in Europe anymore, nobody wants to see your twig and giggleberries here, I don't care what is 'fashionable' in Germany. Our cars and food are different here as well".
The only time you are allowed to wear a speedo is if you are a professional swimmer or if you have signed an endorsement deal conditional upon you wearing one in public. In the second instance you should carry your signed contract with you at all times and be prepared to produce it as proof should you be harassed. Bottom line is I should be able to enjoy a day at the beach without seeing your balls. Thanks for your attention to this urgent matter. Why is it that most of the guys wearing the banana hammocks are obese? Is it a plea for help? Is it an attempt at reverse psychology (if I put my package right out there maybe people won't notice I'm fat...), it's not working.
In the case of the ladies I have come up with a simple rule. If your belly sticks out farther than your boobs, you qualify only for a one piece bathing suit. There are a few exceptions, the girls with the tiny ones and pregnant ladies. These are the only exceptions and all others are subject to ridicule and vomiting gestures. You may feel large and in charge but I do not need to see your huge gut or cavernous ass crack. It is great that you have so much confidence, but have some modesty as well please. That is all I ask. Adhering to these general guidelines may indeed help achieve world peace as well as happier, less nauseating beach days.
UFC fighters wear tight shorts sometimes too but this is more acceptable since their opponent at least has the opportunity to punch them in the face without repercussions.
You stay classy Sandbanks.
The only time you are allowed to wear a speedo is if you are a professional swimmer or if you have signed an endorsement deal conditional upon you wearing one in public. In the second instance you should carry your signed contract with you at all times and be prepared to produce it as proof should you be harassed. Bottom line is I should be able to enjoy a day at the beach without seeing your balls. Thanks for your attention to this urgent matter. Why is it that most of the guys wearing the banana hammocks are obese? Is it a plea for help? Is it an attempt at reverse psychology (if I put my package right out there maybe people won't notice I'm fat...), it's not working.
In the case of the ladies I have come up with a simple rule. If your belly sticks out farther than your boobs, you qualify only for a one piece bathing suit. There are a few exceptions, the girls with the tiny ones and pregnant ladies. These are the only exceptions and all others are subject to ridicule and vomiting gestures. You may feel large and in charge but I do not need to see your huge gut or cavernous ass crack. It is great that you have so much confidence, but have some modesty as well please. That is all I ask. Adhering to these general guidelines may indeed help achieve world peace as well as happier, less nauseating beach days.
UFC fighters wear tight shorts sometimes too but this is more acceptable since their opponent at least has the opportunity to punch them in the face without repercussions.
You stay classy Sandbanks.
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