We all look for it, it is elusive and sometimes incredibly hard to find, but most people agree it is a necessity...the all important CHEMISTRY (aka SPARK), not to be confused (but aided by sometimes) alcohol.I intend to discuss the following three types of chemisty: social, physical and relationship and relate my own brand of commentary on it. You may disagree, and in that case you would be wrong but you can disagree nonetheless. I welcome your views on the subject and you just might be able to enlighten me. I think I know a fair bit on the subject but I am the first to admit I do not know it all.
The first item on the agenda is social chemistry. You know what I mean, you have those people you just get along great with. I am lucky enough to have several people in my life that I can run into at any given time and be almost in tears laughing with within a short amount of time. The people you work well with, the people you watch movies, sports or TV with, people you can talk on the phone for hours with, the people you can go on an 8 hour roadtrip with, the people you can go months without speaking to but pick up right where you left off with. These people are different than the people you can tolerate or are indifferent to. They could also be referred to as "friends" perhaps. Some people disagree that you can have this kind of chemistry with people of the opposite sex without it being something more but I whole-heartedly disagree as I have many friends like this. This type of chemistry can sometimes morph into the other kinds of chemistry but for the most part it stays where it is.
Physical chemistry is a bit more than just attraction and can go all the way up to sexual chemistry. The most basic form of it is when you are out in public or watching TV and you see someone. Before you even realize it your brain has sent signals to your body about whether you find that person attractive or not. If you are attracted your body temp will spike ever so subtly, your pupils dilate and your lower lip may even swell a small amount. It's amazing when you think about it, before you even think to yourself "this person is cute", your body has already expressed interest or indifference. In person the pheromones kick in as well. It's a very complicated process. I believe some people just vibrate at the same frequency and when you are near those people you just pick up on it either consciously or subconsciously. You're just DRAWN to them. You just have that electricity, that primal level grrrr. I think that is how a lot of people end up in bad relationships and how it is so hard for them to get away once they are in it. You know the person is not compatible with you on so many important levels but you just can't resist that pull, you can't quit them. When people date they are always looking for this type of chemistry on some level. That pull to see the person again, that connection. I have experienced it a few times and it is intoxicating for sure. Just keep in mind that the fire that burns the most intensely is the hardest to keep going or control and it can end up causing the most damage. Contrary to popular dating belief it is something that I have had develop over time. The number one reason why people say there is no second date is that there was "no spark". I think it has a lot to do with the scenario, watching a movie is not optimal for developing sparks. I've had girls develop interest in me after watching me play softball, but sitting across from someone over drinks can be an entirely different story. Does that mean for all of my dates I should be inviting the girl to watch me play a sport? Possibly...
The last one in my discussion is the super elusive relationship chemistry. This basically combines the two previous types into a warm and fuzzy envelope with perhaps some extra whipped cream on top. There is a little give and take over what proportion the other chemistries mix in this one. Some people are willing to settle for less attraction for more in common, others will relent on the common ideas for the attraction. Ideally it is your best friend that you are totally attracted to, that undeniable attraction for someone who you also have a lot in common with. Someone you can spend time with and lose track of it. I've experienced it, I know it exists. The following are some quotes from my friends on what relationship chemistry is...
"Chemistry is where you want to do more than give them a friendly hug - all day every day. You click. You feel alive when you're near them. You feel alive when you just hear their voice."
"There's the part where you spend time together, the intimate part, and the part where you have similar interests right? They all need to fit together. If you only have two of the three it fails."
"It's like a warmth or spark between people. i think it's something that allows you to share the same space with that person."
"It's when you're drawn to somebody without even saying a word just based on animal instinct
or you have a spark/chemistry on an intellectual level. It's the same thing to me."
"For sure there has to be a physical component and an intellectual component, maybe some type of value related element as well. Like if you were considering entering into a relationship with someone, you'd want there to be a physical attraction, and intellection stimulation and a sense that you shared the same values or that you valued the same things and wanted the same things out of life."
Ask yourself what you think it is. It seems to be different for everyone. I am convinced I could ask 100 different people and get 100 different answers. How would you define it?
Stay thirsty my friends.
This is why I like Matt Good, dude cracks me up...
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