What doesn't kill you...might just mess you up later

Welcome back to the Universe my friends. Please direct your attention to the right hand side of the screen where I will conduct small polls at my leisure. Feel free to vote and have your opinion ignored and ridiculed. Give me a little direction with this thing before I roll it off the tracks. On to today's entry and remember to keep your hands on the inside of the ride at all times. Hopefully you are adequately edutained...

We live in the world of low-fat, reduced-calorie, sugar-free products. There's an abundance of cool sounding products (ie. Coke Zero, Pepsi Max, Reduced Fat Oreos, etc), but do you ever wonder how they make this stuff? Of course you don't. You're just happy that you get "Real coke taste with 0 calories!" and you think about all the weight you're going to lose. Well guess what Twiggy, those artificial sweeteners come with a price as well. That price is DEATH, DEATH and more DEATH...well perhaps I exaggerate, but it is not good for you. I am looking out for you, my loyal readers, for I am nothing without you. I'm everything I am because you loved me (Did I just quote a Celine Dion song? Yes I did! She's now singing it in your head, no need to thank me and please resist the urge the set yourself on fire. I think we're about 2 weeks away from the Taliban claiming responsibility for her singing, but I digress...).  

Here comes the education part. Put on your thinking caps and let's get down to business. If you drink diet pop or chew sugarless gum chances are you are ingesting Aspartame. It's no coincidence that the site I linked to for Aspartame is referring to it as "sweet poison". Aspartame poisoning can go so far as to give you the symptoms of some fatal diseases. You can totally rationalize the new phobia you've developed (one of the listed possible side effects) when you think about the 100 calories you save in that Diet Coke. I'd rather drink the extra calories in a Coke than to worry irrationally about that can of Diet Coke attacking my face. Recently my mom was telling me about how she as always tired, always had a headache, and never had much energy. I sarcastically asked if she thought it was possibly due to the 2 liters of Diet Coke and the pot of coffee (sweetened with sugar Twin) she drank every day? She cut out the Diet Coke and noticed a big difference as the symptoms subsided within a few weeks. Perhaps she just lied to me to shut me up, maybe I'll never know.

Sucralose is another artificial sweetener that is hazardous to your health. Sucralose is actually a Chlorine based sugar (also referred to as a Chlorocarbon) that is 600 times sweeter than sugar. To put that in perspective, DDT (a chemical previously sprayed many years ago to kill insects, not the wrestling move) is also a Chlorocarbon. It was actually discovered by mistake. Scientists were doing experiments with Chloride based chemicals and one of them accidentally tasted it. Luckily it didn't kill him on the spot and ended up just being very sweet. Mmmmm sign me up for some of them delicious Chlorocarbons.So what if it gives me a third nipple and I bleed from my ears and other body cavities, it's sugar free beeyotch! The other day, while in the grocery store, I saw a bag of Doritos that were sweetened with Sucralose. Say it ain't so Doritos...why are you skimping on the calories? Are the people that eat Doritos looking for the sugar free alternative? Have you EVER wondered how much sugar was in a Dorito?

Hopefully you heed my warning and stop drinking these poisons or at least consume in moderation. If you think water is the answer, you need to be careful there as well. BPA is a hazard to watch out for and it's most commonly found in water bottles. Simply put, BPA is not good for you and you should try to avoid it if you can. 

Lecture time is over kids, venture out into this world with your new knowledge and fair thee well. If ever in doubt, drink beer (it comes in a glass, recyclable container, is all-natural and keeps your blood thin). If still in doubt, drink many beer and repeat until all doubt disappears. Always remember that Dickie loves you all.