A Little Dab Will Do You

A while back when I was living in NB (the dark times as I call them), I didn't have a car. Occasionally I would walk home from work. It was about a 2km walk (mostly downhill) and if the weather was decent I would walk it. I really hated my job at the time and the walk would give me about 20 minutes to clear my head.

One particular work night I decided to walk home and I went into the washroom and washed my face (take note of this, this information will be important later). On this night I decided to stop for a bottle of Gatorade at the Convenience Store/Dairy Bar on the way home. I walked in and went to the cooler at the back of the store, got my gatorade and then walked up to the cash. This rather large, rugby-player looking guy walked in and he looked a little jittery. He grabbed a pack of gum and got into line behind me. I paid for my Gatorade and walked outside, ready to finish the last 5 minutes of the walk home. Literally 5 seconds later, this guy came out the door behind me. At the time I was a bit confused as to how he made it outside so fast. Did he have the perfect change for his gum? Did he decide to put it back and not get anything? I'll never know.

My spider sense was tingling for good reason, things got a little strange from there. When I turned to see that he had come out the door behind me he was about three feet behind me which startled me a bit. A stranger (or even my friends for that matter) should not invade my personal space like that. The fact that he was a bit twitchy did not settle my mind very much. I had the weirdest feeling he was going to throw a punch at me, my adrenaline kicked in and I was ready for things to escalate in a bad way. He looked at me with a blank expression and said "Hey man, what are you doing now, are you meeting up with a girl or something?". It was such an odd question from someone I didn't know, I was a bit stunned by it. I muttered "No" and he said "You have something on your face". Instinctively I wiped my face with my hand. It was at this point that I remembered that I had indeed washed my face before I left work that night so the chances of having missed something were slim. I replied "No, I think I'm good". Things were weird up to this point, but what happened next was blatantly over the top. To my surprise and horror, this guy licked his finger and started moving it towards my face (this is a move I see a lot of mothers do to their children). He got about half way towards his target when I finally clued in what was going to happen.  I avoided that finger like it was dripping with acid and I was in the damn Matrix dodging a bullet. I managed to mutter "uuuhhh noooo..." and promptly turned and walked quickly home. I kept turning around make sure the weirdo was not following me home and luckily he was not.  

Surprise, surprise when I actually got home and looked in the mirror I had nothing on my face at all. So basically I stopped for a Gatorade and some fool tried to molest my face. Apparently I have the timing and ability to have normal situations turn life alteringly ridiculous at any time. It's just part of my charm.

Until next time loyal readers, may your arms be long enough to scratch whatever itches...