Does This Mean We Can't be Friends?

There are many crazy, ridiculous, scary and exciting things happening in the world right now. If you came here looking for my opinion and to have me discuss them in detail, what the heck is wrong with you? That's what CNN.com is for fool. Don't you know by now I am an incessant Bloggerbator (one who blogs about him/herself)?? If you have come here looking for another story from the life of Dickie, you are in the right place my friends. Without further adieu...

Back in NB I had a lot of friends that loved going out to clubs. Some of these friends were people I only ever saw at the clubs. One of my friends in particular (Allen) was a guy I used to play baseball with back in the day. He was notorious for always wearing a shirt that was way too tight. He also had very questionable taste in women, but otherwise he was a great guy. One of the crazy girls I dated was a girl I actually met through him. Allen was a good guy to know, he knew a ton of people.

One particular night we were out at a dance club and we were just hanging out talking and watching the girls. A very attractive girl walked by (I recognized her from working in a swimwear store that I had walked by recently before this. I must admit I pictured what she would look like in a bikini). To my surprise Allen grabbed her as she was walking by and started talking to her. I was thinking to myself "Damn this guy knows every girl in this city", and I was a bit disappointed. They stopped talking and she walked away. He turned to me and asked "What do you think of her?". I replied "How do you know her and how long did it last?". We both laughed since he was a bit of a manwhore and this question was usually very relevant when talking about women he knew. He proceeded to tell me her name was Melissa and that he had never dated her or anything of the sort. In fact he didn't remember how they had come to know each other. I felt a slight glimmer of hope that she was indeed untainted by his man stink. 

A little while later Melissa came back around and was talking to Allen. I just sipped my beer and looked around for people I knew. She left again and Allen turned to me and said "What do you think of Melissa?". I looked at him with a strange look wondering why he was asking me the same question again. I answered "I've seen her before and I definitely noticed her. She's hard to miss". He then informed me that she thought I was cute, asked if I was single and told him that she wanted us to dance later on. Upon hearing this news I looked at him and said "Shut the f*** up, I'm not that gullible you assclown". He assured me that was exactly what she said to him and that was her sole reason for stopping to talk to him. I was still not totally believing it all, but I couldn't help my mind racing from this wonderful turn of events.

Over the next little while Melissa and I exchanged glances and smiles at each other, as well as a few brief but interesting conversations. Eventually a bunch of us took to the dance floor and were dancing in a circle. Melissa was drinking a Smirnoff Ice (right when they first came out in NB and became all the rage) while dancing and talking beside me on the dance floor. There was definitely tangible chemistry there. When she saw me looking at the bottle strangely and wondering what it was, she informed me it was a vodka cooler and to my surprise offered me a drink. I almost looked around to see if I was on candid camera. This hot girl was not only asking my friend about me, but was offering me the chance to try her drink. Something had to be wrong here, I was either dreaming or someone was pranking me, there could be no other explanation. Little did I know how drastically things would change in the next 10 seconds...I took the bottle from her and in retarded fashion took a bigger sip of the cooler than I should have. The liquor went directly to the back of my throat and I choked. I then proceeded to turn in Melissa's direction and reflexively spit it out all over her face and chest. She just stared at me in total and utter disbelief at what was taking place, even as the liquor dripped off her chin and soaked into her shirt. I then proceeded to cough and gag trying to clear my throat. By the time I looked at her again the look of disbelief was replaced by a look of anger and death wishes. As she shot me one last look of scorn and started to walk away I yelled after her the only thing I could think at the time, "I'm so sorry! Does this mean we can't be friends??". 

I only saw that girl one more time after the incident, likely 4 months or so later. She was with a guy and they looked so happy. I couldn't help but think that could have been me if I had taken a normal sip. Let this be a lesson to you, alcohol can ruin relationships...sometimes before they even start.