1. Why do people say "See you later now"? This bothers me, are you seeing me later or now? Make up your fool mind. Don't make me consider your intentions, that is wasted brain power that could be better used to figure out my next meal or what I'm going to do tonight. Do not ever say this to me or I may smack you upside the head and say "Smack you NOW!".
2. Why is it that when you need something (ie. a tack, a piece of paper, a ride, etc), there is never one around? Say you're on the phone with someone and they are going to give you another number to call or an address, what would you guesstimate the chances are of having a piece of paper and a pen handy? If you're lucky enough to find a pen it is completely empty of ink. If you needed to find one tack in 10 seconds to save your life, you'd likely die. If you have no need for a tack you see a pack of 100 that you don't even remember buying sitting on your desk and you wonder what the hell you'll ever do with them.
3. I can't be held responsible for my actions if I ever say "I can't find my (fill in the blank)" and someone has the infinite wisdom to tell me "It's always the last place you look...". By the time I admit defeat in the search to the point where I voice my failure I am thoroughly frustrated. Anyone around would be best served to choose their words wisely. The best thing is that people always say that line like they just derived the formula for Einstein's theory of relativity. Ok genius, why in the hell would I continue to look in other places after I found it??? That's ridiculous. Next you'll proudly recite your ABC's and tell me you want a cookie. Now go marry your cousin and spread the wealth of intelligence you possess.
4. Why is it that when the gas light comes on you are the farthest distance away from the cheapest gas? If you're lucky enough to be around the cheap gas when you need it and fill up, gas goes down the next day.
5. When I say I am buying a lottery ticket and someone says "I never win...". Of course I ask them how often they play and they always say "Well I don't...". Is it possible to win a lottery if you don't play it (aside from the Nigerian or UK lottery I win via email every week)? I think not. How many people do you see in the commercials with the huge cheque that say "I don't know how this happened, I didn't even buy a ticket!!"?? Zero, that is how many. It makes me think they didn't buy a ticket to the intelligence lottery either.
6. Why is it that when there are two or more lines to get to something that the line you are in is always the slowest. Oh you see the line next to you moving faster, you jump over and boom, that line becomes slower than the last. Never fails.
Stay thirsty my friends, and have a great weekend (just not greater than mine or I will be upset, nobody likes a showoff).
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