1. In this new age of multitasking, it should not surprise me that a few weeks ago I saw a woman riding a bicycle on a busy street, talking on a cell phone (not handsfree) and smoking a cigarette simultaneously. I should not have been surprised, but I still was. That is a rather amazing feat. Making it more amazing still was that she looked like she may have driven the bicycle from the local trailer park. Not to be judgemental, but she looked like she was functioning intellectually on a low level. I consider myself a fairly intelligent and coordinated person, but I doubt I could pull that off. I like to think that since I am intelligent I know better than to even try that nonsense. It was definitely interesting to see though.
2. Do you ever wipe off the top of the can before drinking from it? I don't usually. I never really thought about it until now and that disturbs me. Why do we assume that top part of the can is sterile or at least suitably clean? We have usually have no idea where that can has been before it made its way to our hands. Some obese girl could have rubbed it in her armpit, some sweaty guy could have dripped sweat on it...makes me want to vomit a little. From now on I will make an effort to always wipe it off. Maybe I am just paranoid.
3. Yesterday at Subway I witnessed a bit of a ruckus during my lunch. As soon as I walked in the door I picked out this guy ordering and I automatically didn't like him. I hadn't even heard him speak and I already detested him. I could just tell he was one of those self-important douches. Then I heard him speak as he rambled off one of the 20+ subs he was ordering and it was all confirmed. My spider sense was correct. He was getting increasingly agitated that the middle eastern woman helping him with his ridiculous order could not keep up with his 5 instructions per second pace. He was snorting and sighing and making all sorts of frustration noises. At one point one of the managers mentioned that he could submit orders through the website and they will have them ready for you. Dickface then said in a very contrite manner that he went to the site and it did not list this location on the site. The manager then asked if it was the .ca site and not the .com site. Dickface spat out that he of course made sure it was and that he was not an idiot. I mentally disagreed wholeheartedly with him on that last point. This guy got so frustrated with this woman helping him that he raised his voice and asked for someone to help him that could speak English. Now that is just a really ignorant thing to say since she was doing her best and she spoke English quite well. I'm not an overly confrontational person, but I was legitimately tempted to pick a verbal fight with this clown. It took all of my restraint to not say to him "Her English is fine, she just might not be familiar with your particular ignorant prick dialect". If you can't find the location on the website, you can fax your order in by finding the number on the yellow pages site and they'll have it ready for you when you come in. Don't punish people because you're an unresourceful f*cktard. 
4. I've noticed a lot of commercials lately with doctors promoting some sort of medication, or dentists promoting some kind of toothpaste. This is all fine and good except when the doctor or dentist is an actor I have seen in show or movie at some point. Poor planning dummies. You just lost all credibility with me. I believed this was a real doctor until I recognized the guy from a random episode of Seinfeld or something. Get a real doctor or dentist that believes in your shit product. 5. I love it when obese people get extra cheese or mayo on their Whoppers. It just seems the right thing to do and the tasty way to do it.
Until next time, may fortune and fame french kiss you all against your will.
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