Random Thinkings

I've decided to add another installment of the now infamous random thoughts floating around inside this mullet of mine. As I like to announce to my friends "It's Friday night and my mullet is TIGHT!". As always, buckle your seatbelt while the ride is in motion:

1. According to a new survey, single people "hook up" twice as much as they date. Judging from my experiences over the past 9 months in the dating world I am inclined to support this theory. It seems like the bootycall reigns supreme these days. I don't know whether to take this as a compliment to my mojo or to be insulted I am not dateable. Perhaps that is the way of the single world now, people are just too busy to go through the complexities and ridiculousness of dating but they still meet their needs somehow. Really, I just want to be loved and not just for my body :)

2. The other day at Walmart I saw a Snuggie for a dog. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Snuggie it is a revolutionary garment specifically designed for people who have all sorts of trouble with their arms getting tangled in blankets. In other words, if you are a complete ra-tard that cannot handle the simple task of not getting tangled in a blanket, the Snuggie is right up your alley. By all means, if you own one, please wear it outside to sporting events like they show in the commercial. I prefer to be able to judge someone's IQ simply by looking at them and the Snuggie is a wonderful tool for showing which people out there lose the battle of wits with a normal blanket. Now they have these wonderful inventions of modern science available for dogs. I can actually understand it more for a dog than for a person. Dogs struggle with blankets. I used to throw a blanket over my dog and watch him fight his way out of it for 15 minutes and genuinely be entertained from it. Theoretically you could not do this with an adult, but the Snuggie makes me believe some people out there might take a while to fight their way out of the blanket. This makes me smile.

3. I distinctly remember most of my childhood summers being spent outside. My parents always used to tell us to get outside to "blow the stink off". The point of this little reminiscing trip is that I'd spend entire days outside on 30 degree sunny days without even the slightest dabbing of sunscreen. Outside for 8 hours and all I would do is tan. If you sent your kid outside without sunscreen now you'd get charged with child abuse or there is a good chance they might burst into flames.

4. Another tidbit of my childhood for you is that my mom used to think that "Bactine" was the miracle cure for everything. We discovered this antibacterial spray while shopping across the border and it quickly became the cure-all of choice in our house. I can remember flipping my bike and having a huge crater of a wound on my kneecap. I can't exaggerate how bad this cut was (20+ years later I still have a big scar from it). So I limped home with my leg soaked in blood and my mom looked at my knee. Did she throw me in the car to and take me to the clinic for stitches? No. She just sprayed some Bactine on it and covered it in gauze. Did I die from it? Obviously not. Did it take 4 months to heal? Yes it did. One time I got poked in the eye (my eye was very bloodshot) and I swear she reached for the Bactine to "clear it right up". Luckily I convinced her it was a bad idea and to let it clear up on its own. There were a few times in my early life that I should have had stitches for cuts, but thanks to Bactine and gauze I now have rather impressive scars. It reminds me of Chris Rock telling the story of how when he was young his mom used Robitussin cough syrup to fix everything. "You got a broken leg? Just pour some 'tussin on it, good to go!".

And that will wrap up this edition of random thinkings. Stay tuned for your local news and by all means be safe out there.