Viva Las Bring Me Back Alive

If you want to get out alive

Hold on run for your life

If you want to get out alive

Hold on run for your life

This may very well be my final blog post ever. It is very possible. One week from today, Dickie and crew will be embarking on an epic adventure to Las Vegas. The crew consists of 7 other people, and the trip is in honour of the one and only Joe Long Show's 30th birthday. Guns will be shot, tigers may be found, strippers will be avoided and buffets will be destroyed. Hopefully I make it back alive. Last time I was there it was during my own birthday a few years ago and there are many things I don't remember much at all. This time around I am older and wiser, but will it make a difference?? Stay tuned.

It must have been love...but it's over now

Here is it for your reading enjoyment, back by popular demand, another installment from the Dickie Dating Files. This one takes place about 3 years ago, give or take...

Through the years I have dabbled a bit in the phenomenon of internet dating. I've had some positive experiences and met some great friends in the process, but conversely I have met some totally insane people. I'll let you decide what category this particular incident falls into. Let's begin...

This girl emailed me on one of the sites and the email was very well written. She knew the difference between "they're, their and there". That is always impressive. We conversed. She looked a lot like Julia Roberts with the long curly hair and such. I'm not much of a Julia Roberts fan, but there are worse celebrity women to look like. She told me about how she had met some guys lately and they all sort of disrespected her and got a little too friendly too fast. I assured her I was nothing but a gentleman and I would not disrespect her. She suggested we meet up for drinks and I agreed. She said she wanted to come to my area and I picked a pub just down the street from where I lived. It worked out well since she was taking the subway and I lived literally next door to the subway station.

The time came and I walked over to the subway station to meet her. Let's just say that it became painfully obvious why her previous dates got a little too friendly-too fast the minute I saw her. She was dressed like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. The hooker version. It was at this point that I remembered that I had never asked her what she did for a living and she very well could have been a hooker. I was genuinely worried. From the neck up she was a pretty girl, from the neck down - trashy. It's been 3 years since this happened and I still have the image burned into my retinas. She had a "Flashdance" looking shirt on, worn off the shoulder, only it was really long and it doubled as a dress. There may or may not have been a short skirt under there, but it is pure speculation either way. Black stockings came out from under the Flashdance sweater-dress and disappeared into the thigh-high black boots with the 4 inch heels. It seemed odd to see someone dressed like this out in public without a Def Leppard song in the background. As I stood there speechless she latched onto me and hugged me. I managed the ass-out hug and immediately tried to plot my way out of this date. It was about a 5 minute walk to the pub and I was terrified I would see someone I knew.

We made it to the pub and literally had to walk all the way through the entire place to get a table. Perhaps I was a bit paranoid or perhaps EVERYONE did look at me with disapproving looks. I was with Julia "Hooker" Roberts afterall. We got a table and she ordered us a pitcher of beer. I drank my first beer at a medium. The strange part was that this girl actually sounded half sensible and could talk intelligently about a number of different topics, but her style just totally betrayed her IQ. We discovered a mutual interest in the Guitar Hero game (this comes into play later). So surprisingly we are having a good conversation when all of a sudden her flood gates open and she starts spewing out how she moved to Panama with her ex and then he took her money and left her there. She had only known him for a few months but he seemed like a real straight shooter...Her parents sent her enough money to get back to Canada and since then she has had a hard time trusting guys...oh really??? She then goes on to tell me how the last few guys she has met have borderline assaulted her. At this point I am guzzling my beer to the point where it is spilling out the sides of my mouth in an effort to pull the ripcord on this date. If I could have pushed a button that would have shot my chair 10km away instantaneously and at my possible demise I would have pushed it. The next thing that happened cannot be emphasized enough, and it shows without a doubt that the universe indeed loves toying with me. The theme song from Pretty Woman ("It Must Have Been Love" - by Roxette) came on the speakers in the pub. Now I will ask you the last time you have ever heard that song in a pub? If your reply is anything other than "Never!", you're almost definitely a damn liar. She decides to play the "Guess what I do for a living?" game. I will transcribe as best as I can from memory how this played out as well as my thoughts in parentheses. It might not be verbatim, but it is damn close.

Her: "So guess what I do for a living, you'll never guess..."
Me: "You should likely just tell me so I don't end up offending you"
Her: "No! Come on guess...I'll give you a hint...All of my clients are men"
Me: (oh no she's totally a hooker) "Dental hygienist?"
Her: "No, another hint...I get paid in cash"
Me: (refusing to look her in the eyes at this point) "Rickshaw driver??"
Her: "No...I work at the airport..."
Me: (hooker, hooker, hooker) "No idea, really..."

I'm not exaggerating when I say that by then I was debating the pros and cons of stabbing myself in the hand with my fork just to get out of there. I decided to just wait it out and not wound myself. Once the pitcher of beer was gone the waitress came by to ask if we wanted another but I quickly said no, just the cheque.


Her: "I shine shoes and I am really good at it because I massage their feet while I shine"
Me: (get me the hell out of here please before I throw up in my mouth) "Oh that is cool! Cheque please!"

On the way back to the subway station she grabbed on to my arm and walked arm in arm with me. I made a little small talk about how long the subway ride was. Just as we got to the subway station, she said "Hey, don't you live right around here?" and I replied "Yes, decently close I guess". She said "You should invite me in for a drink and we can play Guitar Hero!", and I replied "Oh geez, I think my roommate will likely be watching TV and I don't have any drinks". It was then that she went in for the kiss and nearly got me, but my quick reflexes saved me and I gave her the cheek. DENIED! I'm not Richard Gere, get off me! I bid her adieu and sent her on her merry way. I thought that it was obvious that I was not interested and that would be the end of that. WRONG.

The next day I got an email from her saying that she thought I was a super nice guy, but she didn't think I was her type. Ya think?? I guess she let me down easy. She will always be the one that got away...and yet I keep breathing.





As some of you know, I have been sick with a cold most of this week. Here for your enjoyment is a snippet of an msn convo with my mom who assumes every sniffle is the plague. She cracks me up. Enjoy.

Mike says: I have a cold.

Mom says:

You want to be careful. They are saying there is a real nasty one going around. Similar to H1N1. If you aren't feeling better in the next day or two you better go to the emergency.

Mike says:

I'll be fine

Mom says:

You are so damn stubborn. This new strain is affecting the younger generation, your age and younger. There are two cases in NS. They had to be put on respirators.

Mike says:

oh my god, two cases in all of Nova Scotia, I should reserve a respirator just in case

Tales from the Homeland

Due to the ridiculously high price of flying home for Christmas, I elected to alternatively spend Christmas away and then head home after flight prices calmed back down. This particular trip had a few extra twists and turns to make it more of an adventure than I expected. Let's get down to it, shall we?

Just my luck it decided to be rainy and drizzly all day the day I flew out, perfect weather for walking to the bus stop. I simply refuse to pay $50 or whatever ridiculous amount of money cabs charge to drive you to the airport. I can ride the bus - subway - bus combo to get myself there for $3. Everytime I ride the TTC I seem to see something entertaining so everyone wins. I ventured out in the rain on the 5 minute walk to the bus stop dragging my suitcase behind me, next stop - NEW BRUNSWICK! That might be slightly exaggerated excitement, but I digress. It was a relatively lame ride up until the end of the subway line. While waiting for the express bus from the subway to the airport I saw this little dipshit of a man running through the subway station and sliding on the floor, back and forth, over and over. There was a group of guys (likely 18 yrs old or so) watching him as he slid back and forth in front of them. I assumed that the guy was just simply retarded until he stopped and the guys all gave him high 5s. I immediately disliked the lot of them immensely. I silently wished bad things upon them and hoped they were taking a different bus. NOPE! Same bus. I was already on the bus when they funneled in behind me and the little guy was now very loudly singing some ridiculous foreign song. I felt my blood pressure rising. It literally took all of my self control not to kick this little singing gnome in the face as he continued to sing for the next 20 minutes all the way to the airport. Luckily I had headphones, otherwise it might have been a much more eventful bus trip. Moral: Do not use a bus as your unofficial tryout for Canadian Idol. Little man syndrome at its finest. Let's continue on...

I arrived at the airport and checked my bags, then proceeded to security. I took off every piece of metal I had on and put it into the bin then proceeded to walk through the metal detector and of course it went off. Who was waiting for me on the other side of the metal detector? Yes, a little customs agent. He asked me if I wanted to be spoken to in English or French. I said English and he immediately started talking in French. I understand a minimal amount of French so I didn't stop him. He waved the baton over me and the only place it beeped was directly over my crotch. I thought to myself that this was likely a great time to inform him I don't understand French all that well. After having unbuttoned my pants and being waved down a few more times we found out it was the button on my jeans. I found it more amusing than he did and eventually he dismissively waved me on through.

Once I made it through security I found my gate and sat down, ready to kill the 2 hours before my flight. To my surprise and visual amusement, two guys sat down in front of me. I wish I had taken a picture of them, but I fear that a picture would not give this pair enough of a description that seeing them in person delivered. I will do my absolute best to describe them, but I doubt I can recapture the essence. The first guy was a wee bitty man with a shaved head, probably 40-45 years old. He was wearing a black bandana with big, friendly looking skulls all over it. Perhaps they were drunken, happy skulls. That was paired with possibly the oldest faded jean jacket still in existence. How can you dress up the oldest faded jean jacket still in existence you ask? That's easy, you clip a maraca and bongo keychain to the pocket! I can't blame him really though, I would never have guessed he was in Mexico without the keychain in plain view. Next up we have faded jeans with bedazzled pockets. I wish I was exaggerating this. Completing the outfit was a pair of white and very light blue sneakers. Like I said, my description can't even do it justice. The other guy was also sporting a jean jacket, a sweet leather cowboy hat and one of the best moustaches I have ever seen in person. All evidence pointed to them not being straight and the roles seemed clearly defined. No way a guy with a sweet cowboy hat and a moustache is the catcher. Moving on...

The plane ride was fairly uneventful, other than my ears feeling like they might explode during the landing. Also I'd like to take this time to tell anyone that feels the need to clap after a successful landing that I hate your face. Seriously, just smack yourself in the face with your seat/floatation device and save me the trouble. I'm not sure why this irritates me so much, but it does. My brother picked me up at the airport and we loaded into his van for the hour and a half drive to my hometown. The roads were terrible from the snow that had fallen earlier. You'd assume it was a slow and scary drive home, but it was not at all. It was a very FAST and ridiculously scary drive home. The few spots in the road that you could see anything other than snow, it was just gleaming ice. My brother is used to driving in that shit and it didn't phase him a bit, he drove about 120km/h the entire way home. I'm still not sure how we made some of those turns. To his credit, we hardly even slid on the turns and he didn't kill me. It did, however, take a few years off my life...

It never ceases to amaze me some of the stories I hear while in my hometown. One of the big stories this time around was how out of control the illegal cigarette trade has become. It's always been an issue with people buying cigarettes from people on the reservation for a fraction of the cost. My brother used to buy a huge bag of them at a time. Quite classy. It's gotten to the point where cops will pull people over and check their cigarette packages for illegal cigs, there is a $2 fine for every one of these cigs you are in possession of. Hmmm and people there ask me how I can possibly enjoy living in Toronto?? Well for one thing, most people here don't smoke at all. Those people I do know that smoke, they smoke legit cigs. You know the small town cops have a lot on their plates when checking for cigs is a priority.  

It snowed practically every day I was there, along with a 30cm drop on the Friday. That didn't stop me from venturing out to get beer in the storm. I didn't bother shoveling the mouth of the driveway, electing instead to try to drive out as fast as I could. There was so much snow that when I hit the end of the driveway about half of the snow went flying up and over the top of the car. Hey if you were in a small town in NB you would have done the same thing for alcohol. Don't judge me. The days after the snow, it was just bitterly cold. This brings me to my second story. The next door neighbour has a rather large gazebo in his backyard. My brother told me about how the neighbour goes out and stays in the gazebo most nights. On the bright side the guy does have plastic surrounding the gazebo and a wood pellet stove inside. Classical music can be heard blaring from the gazebo as well. How crazy must you be, or how much do you want to avoid your wife, that you would elect to stay in a freaking gazebo in -20 weather than inside of a warm house??

On a side note I had a very similar experience going through the security at the airport coming back, but at least this time the guy understood me when I elected for English correspondence.

All in all not a terrible trip home to NB, good times were had, good beer consumed with good people. Will I be moving back anytime soon? Hell no, but it is not a bad place to visit in metered doses.

Until next time, keep your trays in the upright position until the vehicle has come to a full stop.

A Bit Concerned

To the guy that used the urinal at work today before me: for the love off all things holy please go get checked by a doctor. Nobody should ever lose that amount of hair from that area while urinating. I am genuinely concerned for you. You almost made me throw up as well. Is there male pattern baldness for that area too? Throw some Rogaine on there just to be sure.

Dickie out.

Dickie's 2010 in Review

Happy New Year to my dedicated readers and may this post find you all rich and content. If it doesn't, then too bad - suck it up and carry on. Maybe 2011 will be the year for you, maybe it won't. First off I would like to apologize for the long delays between posts, it is hard to build the necessary momentum with a post every six weeks or so. I will make an attempt to vamp this up as time permits in this new year full of potential and wonder. It's the least I can do...without further adieu, here are the highlights.

2009 ended and 2010 began with me almost throwing a short little f*ckface of a man out the window of a 21st floor condo. Luckily I refrained, otherwise my 2010 would have taken on a totally different, less optimistic look. No matter how justified you may be in doing so, law enforcement generally frowns on people being thrown through windows of highrise condos.

I don't remember much about the Winter and Spring, other than finally getting rid of my piece of shit VW and the now infamous "hoodie scandal". I would elaborate further on this, but I fear if I commit it to a public forum I may be attacked by the hoodie thief. But seriously, who steals an f*cking hoodie from someone they are dating?? That doesn't seem like a good way to make a positive impression to me, but maybe I am just old fashioned like that. It's still a touchy subject with little chance of resolution. Let's move on.

The summer of 2010 marked my first vacation to anywhere significant since 2007. A sweet deal and a group of friends was all the convincing it took to get me to Varadero, Cuba. Sun, drinks and girls in skimpy bikinis? Count Dickie in for that. It was a great trip aside from an episode where I was worried I had the Bubonic plague for about a day. There was one particular episode where 3 of us were quite far out in the water and the waves were decently choppy. Huge prehistoric looking birds were flying overhead and one of them nosedived the water close to me. It scared the hell out of me to be honest. What happened next scared us even more. Literally thousands of silver fish started swimming in and around our legs (first thing I thought was pirahnas, not a safe feeling). All of a sudden these fish start flying out of the water, some bouncing off of us and back into the water. We were literally under siege. I kept expecting to see blood in the water, but it turned out the attack was harmless. I decided to get the hell out of the water once the thought entered my mind that something was CHASING these fish and terrifying them. Couple that with the fact that a shark was found near the beach days before and I was out of the water in a flash. I don't know much about sharks, but I do know that being on land greatly decreases the odds of getting bitten by one. Still frazzled by the excitement when we left, I forgot a sweet painting I bought in the hotel room. The rest of summer was not overly memorable aside from the abundance of sweet weather and my 14 hour solo drive to NB (which I did both ways overnight). That particular experiment taught me that there is a fine line where levels of Monster Energy drink will go from energizer to hallucinogen. I swear I was dodging purple unicorns along the side of the road at one point. That's not nearly as fun as it sounds, take my word for it. I also attempted to fight two speeding tickets and the freaking cop showed up each time. Not the best year for luck overall.

Fall was not overly memorable either. Winter brought about some happenings that literally made me believe that hell might be freezing over, but overall it was a pleasant ride. Christmas was spent in Quebec with great friends and skiing. What more could you ask for?

My plan going into 2010 was merely to survive it and it ended up being a decently good year. My plan going into 2011 is to make it a year worth remembering in 10 years down the road so we will see where it all takes me. If you get in my way I will take you down, you've been warned.

And remember that any time you have a chance to harness the power of dynamic inertia, you've got to do it.

Random Thoughts from a Random World

Back by popular demand (I may be exaggerating slightly to highly), I present to you for your reading pleasure another installment of Random Thoughts. As always, these are random thoughts from my mind and they are in no particular order...

1. Yesterday I saw a long haired girl walking by my work. She was wearing a large red headband (not one of those ear warmer headbands, but a "fat guy playing basketball" headband) and what can be best described as a huge black cape. It made me think that I either really don't understand women's fashion or mental illness. Either way, it was a bit disturbing. It also sort of made me want a cape.

2. I heard a story about a woman that decided to walk into a bank wearing a garbage bag (one would assume it was over her head). It didn't state whether there were eye holes cut out, but again you would assume so. So this super intelligent woman walks up to the teller and shows her a knife. At this point a bystander in the bank sees what is happening and happens to have a taser gun in her purse. She pulls it out and proceeds to chase the garbage-bagged member of MENSA around the bank trying to taser her. The woman flees the bank out to where her accomplice and getaway wheelchair are waiting. Yes, that is correct, a getaway wheelchair. It is not clear whether or not she still is wearing the garbage bag at this point, but it would not surprise me if she was. Needless to say that they did not make it far. That just goes to show you that what might seem like a perfect plan is not always so. It also makes it funnier if you think of the garbage bag being a transparent one.

3. Apparently a guy that trained dolphins back in the 70s has written a book about his time with the dolphins. You're likely questioning why I mention this in my random thoughts...part of the story revolves around how he began to develop emotions for the dolphin. The dolphin eventually seduced him after he resisted its advances as long as he possibly could. This eventually led to a physical relationship. Yes, you read that correctly. He just couldn't resist the dolphin after a while and had the best relationship of his life. I can't make this stuff up. He then thought it was a great idea to write a book detailing this. Dolphins are smart, but who knew they were such master seducers? Keep this in mind should you ever go swimming with them.

4. If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you can feed him for life. If you beat a man with a fish, that is funny. People should be wary of fish beatings more than they are.

This concludes our broadcast day. I will leave you with these words of wisdom. Sometimes "good from far" is "far from good". Stay thirsty my friends.

If You're Not Living on the Edge, You're Taking Up Too Much Space

I like to think that I have lived my life on the edge just a little. Not in a crazy, cheating-death, devil-may-care way, but I do sometimes throw caution to the wind for a bit of adventure. I think that life is too short to live it without taking a few chances here and there. I've picked up and moved a few times (most recently my move to Toronto with an entire 3 weeks of planning beforehand), I've dated the crazy chick (numerous times), I've torn the "Do Not Remove" tag off my mattress, I've gone swimming right after eating, I've fed a Mogwai after midnight (thus turning it into a Gremlin. Did I just make an obscure reference to a very old movie?? Yes I did!), along with a few other things that shall remain a mystery at this time. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing.

Last summer I managed to cross off a major item on my lifetime to-do list. It was always something I've been interested in doing and I finally had the perfect opportunity to accomplish it. One of my more adventuresome friends, Lynn, invited me on a Zip-lining/Cave exploring getaway with some friends just outside of Ottawa. I readily agreed. I am usually good to go wherever adventure is concerned. We met up with Lynn's buddy in Ottawa and then headed across the province line to the zip-lining place in Quebec. We parked in the lot and then waited for an old school bus to come pick us up. Walking in the school bus was an unpleasant reminder of how they are not constructed for someone of my height. I had to walk all the way to my seat with my head way down to avoid smacking my head on a rivet (I've hit my head on one before, it is not fun at all). The bus took us up to the lodge where we suited up into the protective harnesses.  We then hiked up the hill into the woods to the beginning of the course. A "crash course" in using the lines and the clasps ensued. We basically had to hook onto a clothesline about 10 feet long, pull ourselves across and then unhook. Oh yeah the clothesline was about 4 feet off the ground. Not overly exciting by any means. After completing that rigorous training, we all moved on to the actual course. The course consisted of varying balancing activities followed by zipping across from platform to platform at differing heights. I have to say I enjoyed it a lot(except for the part where the side of my head got a little too close to the wire and I got scratched). Lots of thrills and good times. One of the girls called it quits after about 1/3 of the course because she was scared. Not everyone is cut out for adventure.

Part 2 of the adventure was the cave exploration. A group of us (complete with the miner lights attached to our helmets) went down into a huge cave and walked through all of the paths inside. Being 6'5 was not advantageous to me in this instance. There were a few small areas I struggled to get through. I had hoped to encounter a few bats or something, but none made an appearance. We exited the cave and as far as we knew at the time, the adventure ended there.

We grabbed some food at the on-site BBQ and while we were eating, Lynn and I somehow discovered a mutual interest in bungee jumping. I think I said I had always wanted to try it and she basically said that since it would piss her parents off she would do it too. Lynn's buddy just happened to know of a place very nearby and he even had a 2 for 1 COUPON! Yes sir that is how Dickie rolls, with Coups! Now that was a sign if ever there was one. That would have been one thing that potentially would have held me back, justifying upwards of $100 for about 20 seconds of adrenaline. But $50 for 20 seconds of adrenaline? Done! We drove to the Bungee Jumping place and quickly cashed in our 2 for 1 coupon and they advised us to hurry up the hill as they were closing soon. The following is the description directly off the Great Canadian Bungee website "Looking for the highest bungee jump in the land? Then look no further. Just 20 minutes from downtown Ottawa is "The Rock", home to Great Canadian Bungee's 200 ft. Goliath. Here you'll find one of the world's most spectacular and unique Bungee Jumping sites. Visualize an amphitheater of solid limestone, 200 ft. high, surrounding a 160 ft. deep aqua-blue, spring-fed lagoon, larger than 3 football fields. This is the only place in the Americas where one can experience a 200 ft. head (or body) dip. Your 160 ft. rebound is higher than the entire jump height at any other site in the US or Canada!". Well dip me in flour and call me "Ready"! Did I mention I have a small fear of heights?

We climbed to the top of the hill and then up on the metal apparatus that went out and over the vast chasm of water. The attendant asked us whether we wanted to be locked in by the ankles or by the waist. Being that I am reasonably thin I chose the ankles. As I was strapping the shackles on, a young girl (likely 20yrs old) came down the 60 foot walkway after her jump. She was wet, trembling, crying and just generally looked totally miserable. It was at this point that I decided there was absolutely no way I was getting off this platform without jumping off. Up to that point I was more than a bit nervous about the whole deal, but to see this little woman walk off after jumping I knew it had to be done. Otherwise I would never forgive myself. Generally there are some things in your life that you can back down from and it doesn't bother you much, but this would have been something that would have haunted me the rest of my days had I not gone through with it. I assume Lynn was a bit nervous as well, but she never showed it. She just wanted me to go first, presumably in case I died. After properly strapping in I walked the plank down to the end of the walkway to the jumping platform. I'm not going to lie, my legs felt heavy and sluggish walking down the walkway. It's like they knew what was coming and my primitive survival instinct was trying to prevent it from happening. There were two French guys ahead of me. As I got to the jumping area and took a seat on a small chair, one of the guys dove off the ledge, screaming the whole way down. As they started pulling him up using the winch system I could tell that the remaining guy was a bit conflicted about jumping - downright scared to death might be a better description. The first guy made it to the top and they unstrapped him. He sat down beside me and told me in broken english that I should definitely not do this and to go back, he thought he was going to have a heart attack. The angry red colour his face was made me think he might be correct about the heart attack. The second guy was inching his way to the edge painfully slow and looked like he might either vomit or piss his pants at any second. Perhaps both simultaneously. There were two attendants looking after the jumps and they were both encouraging him to help build up the courage to jump. He got to the end of the ledge and then backed way up, talking about how he couldn't do it. One of the attendants looked at me, shook his head and rolled his eyes in disgust at the guy. That further cemented my dedication to jump, I wasn't going to have these guys making these disgusted faces about me. The guy made one more attempt by inching his way to the end but again he backed off and said he just couldn't do it. When he turned around I could see he was crying a little, tear lines marked his face. Poor bastard. That episode likely still haunts him to this day. He might as well have cut off his testicles and handed them to the attendants. The non-jumper took his figuratively severed balls and did the walk of shame off the platform.

The attendants looked at me and asked if I wanted to go into the water or not. I mumbled that I didn't care but I was a little worried about losing a contact lens. The guys asked me if I was ready and I think I nodded, I could not speak at this point. I was a bit terrified. My legs felt like they were made of lead. I could see the rest of our group down below and they looked so small from that high in the air. I suddenly felt like this was a very bad idea. At the same time there was no going back now. I somehow edged my way to the end of the ledge and looked down, even though I knew I shouldn't look down. The 200+ feet drop looked more like 10,000 feet. That didn't settle my stomach at all. The attendant gave me the go ahead sign and to my surprise I willed myself to jump into the air and swan dive down into the abyss. It felt like I jumped high into the air and did a nice dive down, but after watching the video afterward it is more accurate to say my knees somewhat gave out and I just allowed myself to fall off the end. I cannot accurately describe what the feeling of plummeting to your possible demise at a crazy speed feels like. I have gone on countless rollercoasters and they do not even compare. I also thought I let out a triumphant yell on the way down but the video makes it sound more like a terrified scream. I came very close (within 2 feet) of hitting the water at the bottom but thankfully I didn't go in. They pulled me back up and congratulated me. I could hardly hear them with my heart beating the loudest I have ever felt it. I unharnessed and waited for Lynn to go. She came to meet me at the end after her jump looking much like the way I felt. We walked down the hill excitedly trying to describe the experience to each other, but I think we just kept yelling superlatives at each other without making any sense. One more thing to scratch off Dickie's To-Do List of Life.

Later that night I was still on a huge high from the experience. We all went out drinking in Ottawa. I ended up chatting up a girl at the bar while getting a drink, who knew that a fresh scratch on my head would be such a great conversation starter? I told her about my adventures for the day and we chatted a little bit, then we both went back to our friends. Later on while dancing with my friends I almost inadvertently knocked her out when I mistook her trying to slip her card into my back pocket for someone trying to pickpocket me.

And there you have an installment of Dickie's big Adventures. I highly recommend trying bungee jumping if you ever get the chance. If you however become a statistic by falling to your death, what the hell were you thinking listening to me??